Friday 15 April 2011

Sanglier or Sangria? by Malcolm Johnstone


A conference in Montauban recently suggested that in 20 years time the department would have the climate currently enjoyed by northern Spain. An apparently eminent climatologist (did such people exist 20years ago?)  was convinced that the data pointed unmistakeably to a rise in temperature of 1C over the interim.

Should we be worried? Why invest in one of those so profitable solar voltaic panel heating systems when we will be needing air conditioning? And not only economic questions arise – rather more important would be the cultural implications.

For example are our French lessons going to be redundant as we need to learn Catalan – or worse Basque – a language whose spelling is so full of xxx that every other word is an expletive deleted. Even Welsh people may be perplexxxed.

When we Brits struggle to eat after 7.30pm, imagine the French having to wait until 10pm for dinner. Though the compensation may be the siesta. Unfortunately if this is coupled with the French “pause de midi” it could be a long wait for the plumber to call après-midi as promised. The 35 hour week may well become the victim of the 5 hour lunch.

And what about our beloved chasseurs? Will they abandon the fruitless pursuit of sanglier in favour of the bull-fight? Will we be required to give up Toulouse rugby and start to support FC Barcelona?

We could have moved to Spain if what we wanted was sunshine and sangria. It’s probably some EU plan to make us integrate, or a Front National idea to rid France of some undesirable foreigners by designating Midi Pyrenees as Spain. I for one will be waiting in 20 years time ready to burn my sombrero and shout “you was wrong, you xxxBasque”

Hasta la vista.